Wait and See.
“To do nothing. It’s a great idea, really. Maybe if I just wait and see long enough, then I won’t have to do anything or decide anything, you know? I mean, maybe if I’m lucky enough, someone else will decide, and choose, and do things for me.” – Homer “The Cider House Rules”
Ever since I got saved…I’ve been waiting.
Waiting to arrive at the “place” in God. Waiting to know what my destiny is. Waiting to arrive at a place of complete happiness and contentedness. Waiting for my husband….just waiting. And even now, at 30, on the brink of life changes. On the brink of greatness, and endless possibility….I’m waiting. Wait and see……that’s actually been my catch phrase.
I don’t wanna make any plans because I’m waiting to see, I’m waiting to allow God to do his thing. What that actually means is that I’m afraid. I’m afraid to make plans and then something goes wrong. I’m afraid to have all the responsibility on me. I’m afraid to make a decision and be wrong. I’m afraid to be wrong. I’m afraid I’m wrong.
I thought I was being obedient and doing God a favor all of these years, but actually I was letting life have its way with me, and reacting to whatever events crossed my way. I was merely surviving instead of creating life around me. And today, is when I realized all of this. That instead of living I’ve been waiting and seeing.
Never taking chances, never taking risks, never stepping out and making decisions. It’s funny the things some people who’ve kind of been sheltered and abused have to re-learn, while others just inherently know. I can make choices.