Does sadness ever really go away?

So, I must’ve been bitten by the blog bug or something this week. I’ve been posting a new blog everyday and people who follow my blog know that this is out of the norm for me. I suppose it’s good…..writing my thoughts helps me get them out of my head and helps make things a little clearer for me. I’ve also got LOTS on my mind these days so there is much to write about, think through, and process.

I guess I’ll start with the first thing on my mind (warning guys: this post is really gonna be more of a public diary and rant than anything substantial..you’ve been warned..if you choose to stick around more power to ya haha).  Ok, so the first thing that’s been on my mind today is the question “Does depression ever REALLY go away?”

I’ve struggled with depression for most of my life, and although I wouldn’t say that I am depressed in my life now, I do have my bouts every now and then with sadness. (actually sadness and loneliness, they seem to go together)  And today is one of those days where I’m feeling a little bit sad, and a little bit lonely. Because I’ve experienced depression for most of my life, I think every time I’m sad I automatically label it as depression, and as I’m writing this I’m realizing that they are different, that I’m not depressed, and that sadness is not a permanent thing. It’s an emotion that we all experience every now and then, and knowing that makes me think “What’s so bad about sadness really?” Sure I’m sad now, but tomorrow is a new day and things will start over. So I’m sad now and that’s okay, I’ll be sad, but then I’ll get over it.  So I guess it doesn’t last forever, but I will experience sadness and sad things throughout my life, and that’s just something I’ll have to accept without letting the sadness define or overtake me.

The next thing on my heart is that I’m feeling a little overwhelmed and anxious about life in general. I’m also a little scared. As I mentioned in my vlog (click here to view) I recently made the decision to get out of a situation that I’ve been involved in for the last 5 years. It was a situation that I know it was time to leave, but now that I’m out I’m kind of uncertain about where to go from here. Don’t get me wrong, I know i made the right decision in leaving, but leaving the safety net of the familiar is a scary place to be, and I cant help but doubt myself sometimes when things don’t seem to be falling in place. I get scared that I made the wrong decision, scared that things wont fall into place, and ultimately I’m scared that I’ll be disappointed. My only hope is that the same God who led me to leave, will lead me to the new place that he has destined for me. I trust Him and I guess I just need to muster up some more courage and just wait for him to make things clear.

Also, a new semester in school has started and I’m more than intimidated by the Statistics class I’m taking.  Not only that but beginning in January I will need to find a job and I have no clue how I’m going to balance my intense school schedule and work. And overall, I just don’t want to get lost in the shuffle. I don’t want to become so busy that I lose myself. I don’t want to become so consumed with finding my way, that I get lost.

Sigh. Crazy Day. So many thoughts. The good thing about all of this is that I finally understand that rooftop scene in Eat, Pray, Love, only instead of missing someone, the thing I’m letting go is sadness. Hope you all are having a better day.

Much Love,

Krystal

 

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13 Comments Add yours

  1. Ktj says:

    I’m sorry you’ve been having a difficult time. I hope things start to look up for you! Good for you for following what you feel is right. It shows a lot of courage!

    1. Thank you for your encouragement and for reading!

  2. Yes, it does, for a while it is like you are numb no frozen, you have a choice if you enjoy the sorrow you can wallow in its a great place to be in. If you want to come out there is a way.
    Writing these pages is a great way out, but if were to write it on a dairy you would do much better. If you do need help get in touch.

  3. caseyvoight says:

    It’s okay to be sad, and with every door that closes others are waiting for you to open. Follow your gut and be true to yourself. When things get to be too much, slow it down and recollect and on days when you feel extra strong take on more. Lifes stresses are easier to manage when you balance them out and tackle one day at a time.

  4. Mia says:

    Hi Krystal
    I am convinced that emotions are also created by our Pappa. I know what you are talking about for I battle a debilitating chronic illness that can leave me quite depressed. What helped me make sense of it all was to compare my emotions to any given situation. Does my emotions line up with the truth? If not, well then it is just that…emotions.
    Much love to you
    Mia

  5. Pamela Hodgdon says:

    I don’t think that you can know true happiness, unless you experience sadness. I experience sadness and even depression. When this happens, I write. I can write myself happy most of the time. Let sadness fuel your creativity.

    1. Thanks Pamela, Great advice and I will write more when I getin those moods.

  6. Tudor F. D. says:

    What is sadness? Sadness is the result of a thought that something out there is not or will not be as you wished/wish it to be and you can’t do anything to change it. Sadness is not a natural quality of this universe, it is a self-made quality. It is the right of all human beings to be happy and to enjoy life, every single moment, every single breath that you take should be pure joy and ecstasy. So for sadness to exist it implies two misunderstandings. The first misunderstanding is the misunderstanding that you exist independently of everything else, you exist as a self and one of the qualities of this self is sadness. And this is not correct. You have been the product of your environment, and you exist the way you do right now because of your environment, and because of everything that happened prior to your birth. If one single member of your family 10 generations ago would have been someone else, today you would have been different than you are. Your “self” would have been different. So in fact you are not separate from your environment, you are PART of your environment. If you see yourself as separate then you automatically fall into the trap of thinking that your sadness is separate from your environment. But it’s not. Your sadness is part of your inner environment. But it persists in your inner environment because everytime it arises you give it attention. If you learned to live next to your sadness, without trying to find why you are sad, without trying to find how you can stop being sad, you will suddenly see that your sadness is not master over you. When you fight against your sadness it becomes stronger… When you fight against it, you are allowing your sadness to control you. So instead of fight against it, why not just be aware that there is sadness within you, but then don’t allow it to control you. Don’t give attention to those sad thoughts, don’t start following them. Just watch your inner environment. Live next to your sadness. If you are at your friend’s house and she has a chair that you don’t like the looks of, do you try to tell your friend to get rid of it, throw it away, etc? Or do you learn to be aware of the chair as it is and live with it? Your sadness is just like any other object in the external environment. The only difference between sadness and a chair is that the former is part of your inner environment and the second is not. So instead of seeing your “self” as separate from your environment, see it as part of it. And by your “self” I mean all your emotions, and personal traits. As you watch your sadness and live next to it, you will find that your mind quiets down naturally and those sad thoughts happen less and less often. Live in the present moment, the future does not exist. If something doesn’t work out the way you wanted to, then no problem, you’ll find a way to fix it. Things don’t have to be “perfect”. There is no right or wrong decision. There’s just skillful and unskilful decisions. Skillful decisions are those where nobody gets harmed. Unskillful decisions are those where you or some other people get harmed. All you can do is think about each decision before taking it and see if anyone will be harmed as a result of it. If anyone will be harmed then don’t take that decision. The only reason why you experience suffering is because you consider your inner environment as being part of you, instead of looking at it objectively, just like you look at the external environment. The ultimate cause of suffering is our illusion of separation from reality, the illusion of being someone other than everything out there. And so you suffer because now you are a self, and you have identified many things which you possess. So you have a lot to lose. But once this idea of being a separate self evaporates, then you have nothing to lose, and nothing to be afraid of. Let’s say that your heart considered itself separate from you. Then it would be very afraid, very fearful because it could have a lot to lose. But once it sees itself as a part of your body and not separate, then it has nothing to lose. It’s just a part. You are just a part of nature. You have nothing to lose.

  7. I think everyone of us carries a certain amount of sadness with us every day. Some ignore it, some try to drown it out, some let it weight them down. I’ve sat down, when it really got to me, and listed the good and bad things in my life. The good always won out.

    1. Thats a great practice! I’m learning more and more we each have our own ways of coping with the many issues that come our way 🙂

  8. Seyi sandra says:

    You’re so courageous and I’m sure you’ll balance things out. May God be with you, always!!
    Much love-:)

    1. Hey Seyi! (Beautiful name and picture btw)

      Thanks so much for your support and I hope it is an inspiration for you as well 🙂 I saw your comment on the video and I appreciate you taking the time to watch! Blessings!

      Krystal

      1. Seyi sandra says:

        You’re welcome my dear friend!
        Love:)

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