“I must learn to be content with being happier than I deserve” -Jane Austen
The other day I was finishing up my vlog for this page (If you haven;t watched yet please visit my last posting for life updates) , and just thinking about the freedom I’ve been given to dream again, and I found myself fighting down guilt. GUILT?!
I mean, who do you know that would feel guilty about pursuing the dreams that are on their heart. Who do you know that would feel guilty about being happy with their life? Sigh…..this girl.
So why am I feeling guilty about being free and happy,and about exploring the talents that God has given me? I’m still trying to figure that out. I know that it’s a big issue for me because it’s been something God has been trying to pound out of me all year. Earlier this year God spoke as loudly as a resounding gong saying that I had EVERY RIGHT TO BE HAPPY. He spoke that word powerfully, loudly, and repetitively. And I guess he had to make that very clear to me because for so long I’ve been used to feeling like I have to earn and work for everything. Including love, happiness, and self-worth.
My life and my perspectives have changed recently. I’m seeing that God doesn’t make mistakes, and there is no part of me I should shut down or hide away. God has given us each talents and abilities, and it’s OKAY for us to explore those talents, and be fruitful with them. It’s what he expects.
I LOVE to sing. I used to write songs and stories ALOT when I was younger. I also enjoy acting, and I would LOVE to be good at dancing. But for years I never did anything with these talents, I never pursued the things that I am passionate about because I was afraid it was too much of me, and not enough of God.
But now, there is freedom to explore. Freedom to at least begin writing songs again and seeing what happens. Freedom to explore my passions and talents, and give God the return he’s looking for on His investment.
I’m not saying I have to be famous. I’m just saying it would be a great feeling to leave this world fulfilled. Knowing that every tool God gave me, I used it to it’s maximum potential and made him proud. That’s all I’m saying, and that’s all I want.
To make him proud.