I’m not broken.

I always thought that he would be the one to give me away at my wedding.
I loved too deep.
And I was wrong….about a lot
For years his opinion mattered so much to me
For years I pushed and strived for his attention, acceptance, and love.
I worked so hard.
Only to be deceived
Worked hard only to trick myself into ignoring the attitude he would give me
Ignore the rolling of the eyes
Ignore it and work harder
For love.

It’s sad, but it took a crisis to show me the truth. It took me going through one of the toughest things I’ve had to deal with in my life to realize that he isn’t there for me the way I’d be there for him. It’s a harsh realization to see that your brother isn’t your brother. Along with those scales dropping from my eyes I’m seeing that I don’t have to work for love. The realization that you may not even like me hurts. And it hurts that I feel like I’ve lost a brother….tremendously.

BUT what I value is the fact that I may not have your approval, acceptance, or love…. But I’m still standing. I used to fall to pieces from one disapproving glance from you. But separation and severance has made me stronger. I’m not broken.

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9 Comments Add yours

    1. Stemming from deep processing πŸ˜‰

  1. Tawia Tsekumah says:

    you are not alone.

    1. Thanks girl….it’s good to be reminded of that

      1. Tawia Tsekumah says:

        Have you found love and truth and the freedom you set out to find?

        1. πŸ™‚ In some ways yes, and in some ways no….Im still processing towards my freedom, but I’ve had a few heavy things on my heart recently that I havent been able to articulate in words that will make sense to the world. Thanks so much for asking tho. It was so very encouraging to come online and see your question. It pushed me forward in a way. Thanks missy, and i hope your well πŸ™‚

          1. Tawia Tsekumah says:

            Do you want to talk about the heavy things on you heart? I’m listening.

  2. reginasewell says:

    This reminds me of the song A Boat on the sea from the Grace of My Heart sound track. The chorus “I never knew I was built so strong….”

    Powerful stuff even through the pain.

    1. Thanks so much for that. I listened to that song after your posting and your right…I love the lyrics to the chorus.

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