I always thought that he would be the one to give me away at my wedding.
I loved too deep.
And I was wrong….about a lot
For years his opinion mattered so much to me
For years I pushed and strived for his attention, acceptance, and love.
I worked so hard.
Only to be deceived
Worked hard only to trick myself into ignoring the attitude he would give me
Ignore the rolling of the eyes
Ignore it and work harder
It’s sad, but it took a crisis to show me the truth. It took me going through one of the toughest things I’ve had to deal with in my life to realize that he isn’t there for me the way I’d be there for him. It’s a harsh realization to see that your brother isn’t your brother. Along with those scales dropping from my eyes I’m seeing that I don’t have to work for love. The realization that you may not even like me hurts. And it hurts that I feel like I’ve lost a brother….tremendously.
BUT what I value is the fact that I may not have your approval, acceptance, or love…. But I’m still standing. I used to fall to pieces from one disapproving glance from you. But separation and severance has made me stronger. I’m not broken.