” It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”
Our deepest desires aren’t always what God wants for us. They could be soulish. They could be the monster inside of each of us that will devour us.
For days, months, weeks I’ve been obsessing, inquiring, and wrestling with god and myself about deeply held dreams and hopes within me. Two things have been happening in my life and I’ve been trying to make them fit together and to make sense of each. On one hand God is saying your free, free to live and pursue the things I’ve placed in your heart. And on the other hand my default desire is the music industry and pursuing that dream…and honestly, by dream I mean the fame, wealth, self recognition, and worth that I would get through “making it” in that industry. To pursue that route would be to pursue the route of self validation and recognition for Krystal. There’d be selfishness and it would be myself that I was promoting and trying to prove. Honestly in had no idea how hugely this desire was apart of me and in me until God started to unveil and reveal the true state of my heart. I want recognition. I want validation, and I want the whole world to see and agree that I am great.
So that desire has been the blinding consideration that I’ve been grappling with and am trying to figure out in my mind. These past few days I’ve been growing more and more restless. More and more desiring to explore, fulfill, and find the endless possibilities out there for me. And more and more eaten up with just the thought that I may be missing something.
As days pass the answer becomes more clear for me, the challenge now is accepting it..
“It gives us neither knowledge or truth”